i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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