first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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