i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
