i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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