It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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