Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
