oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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