Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Michael Bay diarrhea
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
