Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
