Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
