I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
