dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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