If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
