Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize