I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
