He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize