she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
