You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
