We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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