you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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