As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
