Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize