I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
