I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
