i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
