fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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