FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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