Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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