I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
