dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Randomize
