It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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