i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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