I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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