Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
