he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
