I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize