She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
