FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize