ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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