My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
