Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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