but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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