WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Green mimosas i think yes
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
