sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
