i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
