I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
