i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
