i can't believe i had my finger in that
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm like, not good at living.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
