So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
