Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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