i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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