I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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