I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
