Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
