why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize