my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
