I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
