i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
