Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i dont even know how to be here
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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