Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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