I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
