Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
