I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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