so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
