that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Sorry my hands just texted you
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Someone came in the potted fern
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
