life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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