I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
