epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
