They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
