I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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