my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I need a burrito and a hug.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
