Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
