Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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