I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize