Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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