I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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